Fandom Town Emergency Clinic

Will had no idea why whatever the pollen did to people seemed to have skipped over him, but he wasn't actually complaining. He didn't have a girlfriend at the moment, and he really wasn't a hookups kinda guy.

Unfortunately, the staff at the clinic were definitely affected, judging by the giggling and occasional moan coming from one of the supply closets.

Also-

"What's he up to?" Will asked, nodding toward's Stabby's (once again uncovered) tank as he put out another bowl of free condoms.

"Looking for hookups on Grouper. Sea creature Tinder," the nurse added, before Will could ask.

"Why not just Plentyoffish?"

"That's only for human- or human-passing- types," the nurse shook their head. Obviously, Will. Come on.

Stabby's friends had gone home, apparently, as he was once again alone in his tank today. One of the nurses was apparently deep in consultation with him, though, as they discussed something open on the nurse's laptop.

"SeaBay," one of the other nurses supplied.

"What?"

"Stabby's selling his paintings on SeaBay," they elaborated.

"SeaBay," Will echoed. "Of course." He went to sit down, but- "There's a cat in my chair."

"Yeah. That's unrelated."

Today when Will came into the clinic, everyone had bagels.

Yes, even Stabby.

"... Didn't he have onion rings yesterday?"

"Yeah," one of the nurses said with a shrug, handing Will a bagel. "Theme week."

"Theme week," Will said, reaching for the cream cheese that was also out on the front desk. Free food was free food. "What's the theme? Circular foods?"

"Obviously."

"Should crabs even have pop?" Will asked dubiously, peering at the tank. Where Stabby was apparently enjoying a bottle of dream-flavoured Coca-cola.

"Who am I kidding?" Will shook his head. "He had wine the other day, pop's probably fine."

Honestly, sometimes Will felt like half the reason he came in to work these days was to see what the hell was up with the crab.

The answer to which today was he had a sticker affixed to the top left corner of his tank that read "TODAY I FEEL _____" and someone (presumably one of the nurses) had written 'STABBY'.

"Why am I not surprised?" Will asked.

Guess who had a cheeseburger in his tank today at the clinic?

Well, there was only one being in the clinic who regularly inhabited a tank- though to be fair, maybe one or more of the nurses lived in a tank. They're NPCs, it's never actually been established if they're all human. But the point was, there was only one tank at the clinic, which was Stabby's, and it had a cheeseburger.

"Are those approved for crabs?" he asked one of the nurses, remembering halfway through his question that they had no idea, having not wanted to do the research into crab diets.

"Oh, they're invisible ninja cheeseburgers," the nurse replied. "You don't question them."

"If I can see it, how's it invisible?"

"Because they're invisible until they're not," the nurse explained. "Case in point."

"Wh- gah!" there had not been a platter of cheeseburgers on the counter before. Now there was.

The clinic is open… and cheeseburger-filled. Apparently.

When Will walked into the clinic, he was expecting something new to be going on with Stabby. When it wasn't (other than one of the nurses informing him that his full name was, in fact, Stabastian Stabbington VIII), he was... kind of disappointed, to be honest?

"It's gonna be a long day," he predicted, directing this comment at Stabby. "You ready for it?"

There was a sign on the crab's tank today that read "PLEASE feed the crab".

"What do crabs even eat?" Will wondered even as he pulled out his phone to take a look.

"We were hoping you would know," admitted one of the nurses.

"Google is free," Will reminded them, holding up his phone so they could see the search results.

It was now routine to give a quick check of the exam rooms when Will arrived on shift. Not to check for patients- any of those would be outlined on the charts, but to check for gremlins, since they apparently had one that liked to come and cause trouble every once and a while.

Not today, though. Today it was just one of the nurses going around telling everyone else "if you've got time to gab, you've got time for crab." and handing out crab's legs.

"... What." Will said, staring at the one he'd just been handed. "I'm pretty sure this isn't sanitary."

[ooc: idek, guys.]

Today, Will wasn't dealing with gremlin shenanigans, or excess shipments, or endless paperwork!

Nope, today he was burying himself in reading case studies for an upcoming CME. Very exciting.

... If you were a total nerd.

As was his usual routine, Will was checking the exam rooms to make sure everything was in order, when-

"Oh, I'd leave that be if I were you," one of the nurses said, shaking their head as he went towards Exam Two.

"Don't tell me," Will deadpanned. "There's a gremlin again."

He didn't wait for an answer, just pushed the door open and-

There was a gremlin. Again. Only this time instead of being surrounded by apples it was on a gurney hooked up to- "Is that a saline drip?"

"Like we were going to argue with a gremlin?" the nurse who'd tried to warn him away pointed out.

"Good point," Will agreed, shutting the door.

The clinic was open! Although exam two was, once again, off-limits.

Will was still puzzling over yesterday's mysterious delivery as he came into the clinic for his shift today. Thankfully, there had been no more weird beer left on his doorstep this morning.

He was explaining what had happened, and the theory that maybe someone had been kidnapped, when one of the nurses pointed out Stark hadn't been in for... a while.

Well, great. Now Will felt like a real asshole, 'cause he'd figured the guy had just gone back into space, not been kidnapped by raccoons.

Will arrived at the clinic and started his usual routine of checking each of the exam rooms to make sure they were well-stocked with supplies for the day. He finished the first, and was about to move on to the second-

"Oh, you can't go in there," one of the nurses who'd been working the night shift mentioned.

"What do you mean, I can't go in there?" Will said with a frown, opening the door-

Only to be met with the sight of a gremlin standing in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a circle of apples. The gremlin hissed at him.

Will slowly backed away and closed the door.

"What."

"You know," the nurse shrugged. "An apple a day, and all that?"

"That is not how that works," Will said with a sigh. "Why is it even here if it doesn't want to see a doctor?"

Another shrug. Super helpful.

The nurses - or at least, the ones who celebrated Christmas - were still catching each other up on the gossip from their respective celebrations, and Will was...

Will was very emphatically having no part of it. He was trying not to sulk about that fact, but it was hard.

In any case, the clinic is open!

Last night, just as he'd stepped outside to head back to his hotel room, Will had heard the unmistakable crack of gunshots.

So he'd noped right the fuck out and spent the night not-really-sleeping at the clinic.

Except somehow he'd woken up back in his hotel room this morning.

Stupid time loops.

Typically, Will didn't come in to the clinic for more than an hour or so on Fridays, just long enough to check in with the nursing staff, and make sure everyone had time to take a break.

However, yesterday, one of the nurses had been weirdly insistent that today would be a good day for a full inventory of the clinic's supplies.

So here he was, doing counts and checking them off against what the computer said they should have on hand. The clinic is open for what is sure to be a very exciting day of inventory!

[ooc: I'm around, but will be slow during the workday.]

There had been a Santa hat on Will's head when he woke up today. Automatically, he'd reached up to pull it off- only to find there was now a hat in his hand and still one on his head.

And that was when Will remembered, oh right, he'd been told about this, the hats that wouldn't go away. So he'd resigned himself to his Santa-hat-clad fate and gone in to open up the clinic.

Shockingly, there were actual patients to see today- nothing too serious, but apparently a couple of NPC island residents had tried a little too hard to take off those Santa hats. Really, you'd think they'd know better.