Fandom Town Emergency Clinic

It turned out that Stabby also had plans to go to the party tonight and needed held determining the correct bow tie.

"Okay, but where is he gonna put it?" one of the nurses whispered to the other.

"When are you going to learn to not ask questions on this island," whispered a third, shaking her head.

Not that the vampire or the crab were listening to any of them. Navaan was happily giving fashion advice. "No, no, that shade of yellow is terrible for you shell. Have you never heard of complementary colors? Now, are you leaning into the theme or what?"

"...Do you think she's going?" the second nurse asked, thoughtfully.

The third nurse nudged her. Hard. "Don't you speak that evil into the world," she hissed. "Not while we're on shift anyway."

You know, Navaan had been focusing on the medical side of doctoring a lot lately and was getting restless about it. She should probably spend some time focusing on the other aspects of doctoring, like getting laid and solving mysteries. Or solving mysteries while getting laid. Or at least solving sexy mysteries.

"The biggest mystery is why almost everybody here is boring and hates sex," she informed Stabby, who was helping her compile a list of sexy mysteries to solve. "I can't tell if that would be a good mystery or a boring one."

Stabby clacked his claws at her. "Ooooh, you're right!" Navaan said. "I should do drugs about it!"

How was that related? Was that actually what Stabby had been communicating? Had she just wanted to do drugs all along and this was a convenient excuse?

The world may never know. But that wasn't stopping her from handwavily texting people to see if they were down for sex and/or drugs.

It had been awhile since I Navaan had remembered to show up for her shift. Inspired by this morning's class, she had decided to remake her other seducing outfit, the sexy ghoul. It involved a truly inordinate amount of gauze. Which, fortunately! The clinic had in great supply!

Or, well, they'd had in great supply. Navaan (and Stabby, of course, he was the crustacean Tim Gunn to her vampire Heidi Klum) had managed to go through a great deal of their stash. But what could they say? Art could neither be rushed nor skimped on.

"This is so got," she complimented Stabby. "Woooo, I'm a sexy ghoul....will I eat the dead or seduce the living today, wooo?"

Hopefully somebody would come in later bleeding profusely! Getting blood on it would make it extra spooky!

Navaan was definitely at her Clinic shift today. There was absolutely a Navaan, standing behind the desk, cheerful as ever. No, she didn't move or blink or change her expression, but that was definitely Navaan behind the desk. 100% doctor, 100% present, 100% not at a circus bacchanalia in her own world.

Stabby, for his part, was in his tank, looking absolutely exhausted. One might say, the kind of exhausted one might get by dragging a fake death version of Navaan from a storage closet and behind the desk, but that would be silly. Because that hadn't happened. Also, look how present and real that Navaan was!

The nurses were all exchanging glances and rolling their eyes and yet, none of them seemed inclined to question.

After her class and then another three classes that she slept through (but they weren't hers so they didn't count), Navaan finally remembered that she was supposed to go to the clinic today. Especially now that she knew there was a new doctor in town, sniffing around her patients. She might have to go on a full offensive, burning him out before he could establish a new practice, or worse! A hospital!

So she wasn't sleeping, no matter how it looked when you came in. She was plotting. Planning. Percolating.

Stabastian was still in his painting phase, which was nice and quiet. He was into mostly a single color phase and before she nodded off, she had to give him props for his portrait of a monarch.

The Clinic was in shambles today and for once it wasn't even Navaan's fault. Apparently, all of Stabastian's creativity had proven to be too much and another crustacean had manifested in his tank: a mantis shrimp!

Well, okay, the nurses couldn't really tell if the mantis shrimp - which they'd named Stabner - had appeared in a spooky, magical way or a far more mundane way and they just hadn't noticed, but either way, the results were the same. Stabastian's tank was knocked over, as were most things in the front room as crab and mantis shrimp battled each other up and down the clinic.

"Can't we help him?" one of the nurses wailed.

"No," the veteran said firmly. "He must do this by himself. For himself. Because the self is the most difficult obstacle to overcome."

"Oh whoa," said the third nurse. "That was really profound."

"Thank you, I've been working on my manuscript all weekend."

For her part, Navaan was helping Stabby the best way she could. "All right! Place yer bets! Place yer bets! We got yer over-unders, we got yer side-to-sides, we got yer odds, yer evens, and even some gambling terms, too!"

So far, Stabastian was winning and the betting was getting hot.

"...What kind of trial?" Navaan asked Stabastian. "Trial by fuck? I'm great at that, I'll be acquitted for sure!"

Stabastian waved his claws in what was probably negation and, roughly twenty minutes later, one of the nurses had been convinced to put on several episodes of Rules and Regulations, which had all of them - vampires, nurses, and crab - entranced.

"Wait, that kind of trial?" Navaan objected. "That's boring!"

"Hush!" one of the nurses said. "It's just getting good!"

The clinic was open and the TV was on.

Chung-chung!

Wow! Today there were actual people who needed a good doctoring!

Turned out that there were a lot of pulled muscles, wrenched backs, sore knees, and injuries from falls this week. Who knew? Every time someone came in for a 'groin pull,' Navaan just had to snicker.

The crab was in charge of triage and Navaan was in charge of treatment, and if you happened to see people stepping right back in line to head back into the exam room again, mind your business.

At some point in the day, Navaan staggered out of the supplies closet where she'd been napping, yawned, and looked around.

"What day is it?" she asked, sleepily.

"Friday," one of the nurses said with a deep sigh.

"Friday?!?" Navaan said, panicking. "Well?!!? Does anybody know if Stabby won the Crabbies?!"

The nurses all just looked at her, confused, but she was already pushing past them over to the crab tank. "DID WE DO IT?!" she asked. "DID WE PULL OFF THE UPSET OF THE CENTURY?!?"

One of the nurses leaned in to whisper, "...Is it weird I'm kinda curious about the answer myself?"

There was neither a Navaan nor a Stabby in the clinic today, simply a note that said Gone Leechin' in Stabby's tank.

"I don't like it," said one nurse.

"I don't trust it," said another.

"I'm just going to enjoy the calm before the inevitable nonsense," said the veteran. "Whatever they're up to, we'll find out soon enough. While wishing we hadn't."

The others agreed, looking uneasy. Hmm, maybe there was time to request days off coming up...

Navaan had things to do, but was far too cold to do any of them, so all she was going to do today was huddle in her blankets and glare at the world for having the audacity to be this cold.

Well, at least until Stabby offered her a flask. So now all she was going to do today was was huddle in her blankets and glare at the world for having the audacity to be this cold while drinking. And sometimes drunkenly exclaiming, "You're my only friend!" to Stabby.

The nurses were just glad this kept both crab and vampire out of their hair.

Last week (probably), Arthur had informed Navaan that she had to go to the Clinic and talk to the other doctors there about getting a job. Which proved immediately that he didn't know the first thing about doctoring, but whatever. He'd let her sleep on the couch and she was pretty sure he said she could stay if she got her old job back at the clinic. Probably he'd said that. Or maybe that was what he'd meant. Anyway, Navaan hadn't really been paying attention at that point, but--!!

He'd told her to go and she'd gone, but nobody had been here but a crab. A crabby crab. They'd stared at each other through the tank, Navaan recognizing a rival doctor when she saw one, Stabby thinking...well, who really knew? Probably something about his shell.

But eventually, Navaan had gotten bored of the staring contest and had wandered off into the darkest corner of the exam rooms, curled up, and gone to sleep for a week.

Look, sometimes doctors did that. Shut up.

But now she'd woken up! And was strolling her way back into the main room of the clinic proper with all the appropriate fanfare required for a doctor of her caliber.

"I'm back!" she announced. "The doctor is in!"

The nurses glanced at one another. "Uhhh..." said one.

"Do we know you?" asked another.

A third, who'd been working at the clinic the longest, went to go get a secret nipper bottle she'd stashed away. She was too old to live through this again.

Which involved pawing through Stabby's enclosure, yes. Look, she wasn't a novice at hiding things, okay?

"Me and the crab are in charge, at least until we figure out which one of us is the dominant doctor," Navaan was continuing. "Now then, I'm getting a juicebag from the fridge, and then you're gonna update me on all the coolest, grossest cases, and we're gonna get diagnosing, right Dr. McCrabbers?"

Stabby was still looking at the nurse in utter betrayal for using his habitat that way, so he just kind of waved a claw in her direction.

The Clinic is open! If you get two diagnoses at once, she'll throw in a third for free!