Lisa's in the House

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa opens the clinic, immediately refreshes the condom supply outside the door (typical), and goes back to the fridge to check on the gremlin in there. It doesn't appear to have moved, but she pokes it just in case.

"Gremlin? Gremmmmmlin? Hello?"

Satisfied, she puts it back in the fridge and grabs a few signs she made out of her bag.

Free Vaccinations at the Clinic today.
Rabies, The Plague, Meningitis, The Clap, you name it.

Several vaccinations are still in testing periods. The Clinic claims no responsibility for any side effects that may occur.

She sticks one to the outer door, and several around the campus right outside the clinic. Coming back inside to wait, she flips on House's mini-tv to catch the Fandom weather report.

Comments

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"I don't know, I'd say you were more heart-shaped. Funny, that's generally a female characteristic. Why don't we skip that X-Ray and give you a quick chromosomal rundown?"

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

Max looks at her dubiously, "Heart shaped? Hell nah. These secondary sex characteristics are of the manhood. I'm all man. Just so you know. Maybe there's not a lot to me on the surface, Doctor-- uh? Nurse? Are you a nurse?-- but let me assure you: these waters run deep."

He throws in a little ghetto gesture at the "deep" part, fist pounding against his chest.

When his bravado wanes, though, he twitches and says, "What's a chromosonal rubdown? [beat] I mean, 'rundown'?"

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"I'm not either, actually. A doctor or a nurse, that is. But I did experiment on a lot of animals as a kid, so don't worry."

Lisa rolls her eyes at his fist pounding.

"It is a simple procedure, Max-izzle. I'm just going to need to stick a tube in your urethra and then inflate it. Since you took that Vicodin, you shouldn't feel a thing."

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

Max, who doesn't have his glasses on (for the eye test), stands still for a moment as he processes the information; then, terrified, he lurches for where he last remembered putting down his specs. In the process, he trips into the counter and sends a jar of pencils flying.

When he rightens himself, ignoring the crash of the ceramic cup on the floor, he uses one hand to cover his dick protectively and the other to grasp around for his glasses.

The general sentiment, coming off of Max at the moment, is: FUCK NO.

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Damn, Max! I was just kidding. The last thing I want to do is shove a tube up your dick. I have no desire to see your genitals, ever. Calm down."

Lisa approaches him warily, and stoops down. "You okay? Need a hand?"

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

"DON'T JOKE ABOUT CATHETERS! It's part of the whole oath thing! It's like 'no assisted suicide', 'have illegible handwriting' and 'don't joke about ramming something inside anyone's urethra' ... which might even be 'don't stick anything in anyone's dick unless their lives depend on it'!" Max howls, visibly shaken. He finds his glasses and hastily puts them on, both hands going to his crotch as soon as possible. "You've scarred me for LIFE."

He collects his baggy of crapola and starts backing away from Lisa.

"I hope you didn't like WORKING IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION. Because you're going DOWN, missy!" He sputters. Really, it was the fact that he had know interest in seeing his goods that's upsetting. Injured, injured pride. And, really: her loss. Because Max is totally hung like a stallion.

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Oh bring it on, Maxi-Pad!"

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

"Like that's a new one, you candy-striped hooker!"





A stallion.

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Please, in your wet dreams, Max Factor. You couldn't find someone to have sex with you if you were dying of brain cancer and had more money than Bill Gates. Anna Nicole Smith wouldn't even take you for a ride."

Lisa eyes his crotch, and mumbles. "More like My Little Pony."

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

That gives Max pause.

"Wait... old Anna Nicole? Or version two point oh? Because, I TOTALLY could have swung fat Anna..." He kind of thinks on it for a second, and gazes off into space.

Snapping out of it, he barks, "You know NOTHING. I just wanted new GLASSES because a skanky bitchtard broke mine! And you're still talking about my ...stuff! You might think with your pussy, Dr. Feelgood, but I can't see with my dick."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Fat Anna would have crushed you like the bug that you are. Not that even she is easy enough to let you anywhere near her, and she's almost as brain-damaged as you are. As for seeing with your dick, I can't imagine that you could, or you'd be very near-sighted."

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

Something occurs to Max. "Are you... related to that girl Parker? By any chance?"

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with all the women at this school?

Max submits, wearily: "You know what? Fine. Shove an inflatable thing up into my bladder. Why even joke about it? Just do it. Hell, make it rebar. And why don't you give me a rectal exam, too? Jesus! I just want to be able to see, lady. And I can't. Now you've made it so I never want to step foot in a medical facility again ever. So, kudos on that. I'm out."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Parker? No idea who that is, but she sounds like a great girl.

As for rectal exam? With your ass clenched so tight I can't imagine anyone would be able to breech it. Sure you don't have Jimmy Hoffa stashed up there? If you want me to work you over, don't tease me. I'll give you a medical exam you'll never forget. Ever seen 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'?

Just get the hell out of my clinic.

And get a fucking haircut!"

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

_{[ooc: *totally high-fives Dr. Lisa!* I know it's wrong to laugh at Max's pain, but... he makes it so easy]}

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

_{[ooc: Ohmigod Parker loves you and wants to be Lisa's campaign manager. We need to find a way to get them to interact sometime before/after this weekend! *dance of joy that Parker doesn't have to run*]}

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

[ooc: oh good! team up on max! he's fifteen, scrawny and friendless. this should be a laugh riot. ._.]

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

[ooc: oh yeah. max, in canon, is the "worst student at Rushmore" ... meaning he's not actually going to be able to run for student government. he doesn't have the GPA. he just wants more extra-curricular stuff to do. have you seen Rushmore?]

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

[OOC: But we don't have GPAs yet, do we? You should be okay, for now. I figured this could be really fun - Parker has a lot of enemies amongst the male students at the school. We play this right, we could have the most hilarious battle of the sexes quite possibly ever. You in?]

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

[ooc: Although a battle of the sexes would be pretty rad, Max is hardly equipped to compete. He's not rich or a badass, he doesn't have super powers, friends, or a reputation. The best case scenario would be that Max/Lisa would split the vote and get Draco right into office. Which would be kind of fun in a meta sense, but also totally crushing to Max. And seriously, I'm not sure how much more crushed I want Max to get. So far, this high school totally sucks for him. You know?]

[fh_jackass]

[ooc: yeah, but if he runs against Parker, he could make friends. Logan might be willing to support him, if he thought Max had a chance.]

maybe not so much with the mun journal

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Exactly. He doesn't have to be the coolest kid around. He can completely stay in canon, and be caught in the tide as it were. He'd have an army behind him through no fault of his own. Gotta love that irony. *needles* Heh, no worries if you don't want to do it, but it has gas I think.]

Re: maybe not so much with the mun journal

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

[ooc: It's true, it's true. I know I'm being a pussy about it, but there's only so much enthusiasm I can muster when I've already had ONLY unpleasant (meta, of course; the ooc stuff has been great) IC threads so far. That's my fault, I guess... Max is a little unpleasant, for sure. I'm just not into him catching shit from all angles, all the time. And going into an election scenario has the potential to be really fucking depressing. For Max, and for me.]

[rushmore-yankee.livejournal.com]

Max does not pass go. He does not collectgive Parker's $200 to the clinic. He just turns and leaves. Or tries to. Again, the prescription on his back-up glasses is old. So he knocks over a plant on his way out.

[And then runs into Logan in the other post.]