fandom_clinic | Cleaning up the Clinic

Lisa opens the door to the clinic, and is not totally surprised to find it unlocked. She looks around to see if any of the other clinic volunteers are around, but doesn't see any one right away. She sits down at House's desk, puts his comic books and Gameboy in the top drawer, and starts to pen a to-do list.

Re-fill supplies, especially gauze for bleeding wounds
Organize student medical histories
Start clinic volunteer files
Open mail
Sort through complaints registered against House, keep only the ones that seem like they really will file lawsuits/come after him with a chainsaw
Order new chairs for waiting area
Clear House's Internet History, before the Tech Dept. busts him for whatever he is looking at
Have someone look at the lock on the clinic door

Lisa leans back in the chair, smiles softly at her list, and stretches her arms above her head. She decides to hold off on any major projects as see if anyone wanders into the clinic. Instead she stocks tongue depressors, and asks herself...

What the hell am I doing?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um, a friend of mine might need something to protect himself from diseases and other things that might occur below the belt.

Could I get a free sample and take it to him?

You need condoms then? We've got them. How many do you need?

I would suggest having your "friend" have a few tests as well. Painless, and it is better to take care of these things immediately.

OH DON'T SAY THAT WORD OUT LOUD! People might be listening.

Tests? A lot of them? Would I he have to make an appointment?

[OOC: CUDDY IN THE CLINIC! So much love.]

What, CONDOMS? At least I didn't say something like THE CLAP loudly.

Lisa gives this guy a smirk, and grabs handful of condoms.

Take a few. Maybe you'll need them.

As for testing, I can do it now if you have the time. I'll just ask you a few questions about your sexual history to assess your risk factor, draw a small amount of blood, and ask you to pee in this she turns around to poke around in a cabinet, and tosses him a small container.

Test results are confidential, and we'll get them back to you in a couple weeks. If we need to test for anything else then, you might need a genital exam, but I'm not certified so you'll have to schedule an appointnment with House. Cool?

*catches container and peers uncomfortably*

Uh sure, I got the time. Shoot.

Tell you what, the men's room is just over there. Why don't you get that out of the way, and I'll grab the checklist.

Do you have any issues giving blood? You aren't a hemophiliac, on blood thinners, or recovering from any major illnesses or surgeries right now, are you?

No, no, and no. Last time I checked, I was perfectly healthy.

*John trudges into the men's room*

Good.

Lisa grabs a clipboard, and begins asking questions through the door.

Have you ever been sexually active?

Beyond kissing? Uh, no.

Wow, okay. This should be really quick then. Have you ever used IV drugs, or been exposed to blood-borne pathogens?

Wow, okay.

Hey! I heard that!

Have you ever used IV drugs, or been exposed to blood-borne pathogens?

No and no. Wait, when I was six, Howie Nanse and I decided to become blood brothers. Do you need to know that?

Hey, I don't judge. After some of the things I have seen, you have the better deal anyway.

No, I really didn't need to know that. But it is a cute story. Unless Howie is dead from some sort of bloodborne disease, that is.

So... look, sorry, I know this is uncomfortable to talk about, especially with a fellow student and all that, but do you have any questions regarding safe sex? You know how to use a condom? Because you really have no risk factors, and the rest of these questions are tailored to someone with more experience, so I just need to take your blood sample and you'll be ready to go.

Unless Howie is dead from some sort of bloodborne disease, that is.

...I suddenly have the urge to call Howie and check up on him.

Uh, nope, no questions. If something comes up, I'll come back and see you and ask ~~maybe~~.

Needles huh? I always hated needles.

*holds out arm*

Stick away.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Just make sure you only use each condom once, check the expiration date, and... well, that works both ways if you know what I mean.

Lisa quickly and efficiently draws a small blood sample and sets it aside.

That's it. You are ready to go. And if I can suggest... ask your partner about their sexual history, okay? Have them come into the clinic for tests as well. Better safe than sorry. Nice to meet you, take care.

Thank you!

*John scurries quickly out of the clinic, making sure no one saw him leave*

*knocks on door and peeks in*

Sorry to bother you, but I've had a patient ask about condoms, and I'm not sure where we're storing those at the moment.

They are in the fishbowl (http://www.xxxtremepleasures.com/IMAGES/PRODUCTS/AMERICANLATEX/TRUSTEXFLAVORSJAR.JPG).

Lisa points to a small table next to House's desk with pamphlets and the fishbowl sitting in the middle.

I think I am going to make a quick bulletin board and stick some condoms right outside the clinic. Safe sex = less work for us. Except for crabs. *sigh*

Well, that certainly is... colorful. Thank you, Lisa.

Cleaning up the Clinic

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