fandom_clinic | Early Counseling Hours, Tuesday November 15th

"Jonathan?" Tara pokes her head around the door. "Is this a good time?"

((ooc: Hopefully not, because that's after midnight my time. But we can finish thread when I wake up?))

"Hello Tara, it's an excellent time. Please come in," Jonathan tells her, looking very pleased.

((can we play this as happening before Lamb's announcement?))

"Thanks," Tara replies, shutting the door behind her and taking a seat.

"Um, I've started seeing Brenda Chenowith, in town. Because you weren't available. But I don't want to stop seeing you, because you've been really helpful, so, um, I just wanted to check. That that was okay. If you don't mind. Because it's been a really traumatic couple of weeks, and you and I have a trust built up that she and I don't have yet."

((We sure can. Anything for my favourite sociopathic therapist. And I was off to bed an hour ago, I swear, so we will have to play this out later in your day. I'm sorry.))

Jonathan looks a bit sheepish, "Well, I'd understand if you did want to discontinue seeing me of course, I'm not a professional like her," he says, "But I do enjoy our sessions Tara, and I'd like to think you get something out of them as well.

I am sorry about not having regular hours, Parents Weekend was a difficult time for me and I've been having a slight problem with a student, but I'm feeling much more able to help others now. I didn't want to see anyone until I was certain I could help."

"No, no," Tara protests. "I didn't mean you did anything wrong - not at all. I just want to make sure I haven't offended you by seeing someone else. Because you do help, so much, and I don't want you to think that I've left you for, um, a professional. Okay?"

Jonathan smiles at Tara, it's bright and sunny because just being near Tara brings back all those lovely feelings from Friday Night.

"I'm glad there was some one to help you I couldn't Tara," he says, "Now, how are you today?"

((sorry! I <3 you!))

"Today I'm... actually, I'm really good," Tara replies, smiling. "It's just been a traumatic few weeks, and I kind of need to process some of it. If you don't mind."

((*sniffles* Thank you.))

"Certainly, anything you'd like to talk about I'd be happy to hear," he answers, still cheerful. Tara was like a contact high, and just sitting across from her gave him that warm feeling inside.

"You... um, you remember how we talked about my father? A little? Well... something happened this week. And I thought he was coming for me. I mean, I was getting these phone calls, and I met him in the park and he tried to choke me - except as it turns out, I'm... um, insane. And it wasn't him, it was someone else. Who doesn't even look like him."

"Tara, are you trying to tell me that you've been having hallucinations of your father coming after you?" he asks clearly worried.

"Exactly," Tara replies. "Um, they've stopped - and I don't think they'll start again, because, um, I'm not as stressed as I was, but that doesn't change the fact that I was... yeah. What you said."

Jonathan takes a deep breath, "I'm going to ask you a question, and I don't want you to feel that I'm judging you in any way when I ask this, all right?

Were you under the influence of any psychotropic drugs while this was happening? And did you seek any kind of professional help?"

"No," Tara shakes her head firmly. "No drugs. And, um, not professional help exactly, but Mr. Crowley helped, with, um, like a role play scenario? To work me through it. And I, um... stabbed him in the crotch with a knife."

She looks up, hastening to add, "but he's okay!"

"It sounds like you've had a busy week. And Mr. Crowley is a new friend of yours yes? You two must be very close, for him to let you do that."

"Busy week would be an understatement," she sighs. "And no, we're not friends. Or at least, not any more. He's said he never wants to see me again. Which, I can understand, given, um..." she mimes an upwards thrusting motion.

Jonathan nods, "Yes, I'd imagine he might be a bit upset. I mean, I like you a great deal but we'd definately have problems if you did that to me," he says gently, smiling.

"But, it made you feel better? You seem to be in higher spirits than I've ever seen you."

"That's... that's actually because of Shane. My girlfriend. She..." Tara shakes her head, still amazed. "She put me back together, she made Mr. Crowley help me, she... she makes me feel whole, Jonathan. It's amazing."

"You're in a new relationship!" Jonathan softly exclaims, "that's wonderful for you. Especially with all of your trust issues in that regard. Why don't you tell me about her?" he asks, jotting a few things down on his legal pad.

"It's, um, kind of complicated. Because she's in two relationships. I mean, we both know, and we've agreed, but... well, she was already in a relationship, but they don't spend a lot of time together because of her girlfriend's work. So Shane and I are together as well, but Kate and I are, um, not."

It's obvious that Tara's still a little confused about this.

"But she's... she's amazing. She doesn't talk a lot, but she says so much with what she does say. She's kind, and she's compassionate, and I feel so safe with her. Um... what did you want to know?"

"I just want to know about her. What she's like, what you like about her, what you two do together, anything at all that you think some one should know about her."

"What someone should know about her?"

Tara thinks for a moment, smiling gently.

"She's the bravest, most selfless person I've ever met. You know how most people do good things because - ultimately - it makes them feel good? They're really more interested in helping themselves than other people? Shane... when she does something for me, it's for me. Not for her. She's gentle, and thoughtful, and she gets so angry about the things that have hurt me, as if she wants to track each of them down and fight them away from my life and mind.

"She doesn't talk much about herself, and she doesn't ask questions about me, but when she looks at me, she really sees, you know? Sees deep down, everything I am and was and might ever be, and just accepts me. All of it."

"She really does sound wonderful Tara, I've only met her in passing but you make her sound like some one worth knowing," he tells her.

"And how do you feel about her Tara?"

"I love her," Tara replies softly. "It's too much, and too soon, but... I do. I love her. And Jonathan - I trust her. Which is... I don't know. Maybe more important, given..." she shrugs uncomfortably. "Given what happened with Willow."

"It's very important, I agree there. It's a big step that I'm proud you're able to take, but it's also dangerous. You see that don't you?" he asks, "I mean, when you first came to see me it was becasue of a lot of things but one of your concerns was that you didn't know who you were.

You'd spent you life being shaped by others, so I urge you to use caution here Tara. I'm very proud that you can still feel trust in a situation like this but it's important you establish your own boundaries and not let yourself be defined by her."

Tara nods. "I know, but... I think that's why I trust her. Because when I'm with her, I feel more... me. Not Willow's Tara, not even Shane's Tara. Just me. I don't know what it is, yet - I mean, who it is - but... she sees it. Me. When she looks at me."

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