Early Counseling Hours, Tuesday November 15th

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

Jonathan decides to make up for his missed Counseling hours during the week. His nose is almost healed, all of the cuts and almost all of the bruising are gone. He's pleased that he likely won't be scaring any of his patients today.


Jonathan is in, do you have problems?




((Tara-mun? I'll be back at 9:00 am PST, will you still be on?))

Comments

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

Jonathan nods, "Yes, I'd imagine he might be a bit upset. I mean, I like you a great deal but we'd definately have problems if you did that to me," he says gently, smiling.

"But, it made you feel better? You seem to be in higher spirits than I've ever seen you."

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"That's... that's actually because of Shane. My girlfriend. She..." Tara shakes her head, still amazed. "She put me back together, she made Mr. Crowley help me, she... she makes me feel whole, Jonathan. It's amazing."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"You're in a new relationship!" Jonathan softly exclaims, "that's wonderful for you. Especially with all of your trust issues in that regard. Why don't you tell me about her?" he asks, jotting a few things down on his legal pad.

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"It's, um, kind of complicated. Because she's in two relationships. I mean, we both know, and we've agreed, but... well, she was already in a relationship, but they don't spend a lot of time together because of her girlfriend's work. So Shane and I are together as well, but Kate and I are, um, not."

It's obvious that Tara's still a little confused about this.

"But she's... she's amazing. She doesn't talk a lot, but she says so much with what she does say. She's kind, and she's compassionate, and I feel so safe with her. Um... what did you want to know?"

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"I just want to know about her. What she's like, what you like about her, what you two do together, anything at all that you think some one should know about her."

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"What someone should know about her?"

Tara thinks for a moment, smiling gently.

"She's the bravest, most selfless person I've ever met. You know how most people do good things because - ultimately - it makes them feel good? They're really more interested in helping themselves than other people? Shane... when she does something for me, it's for me. Not for her. She's gentle, and thoughtful, and she gets so angry about the things that have hurt me, as if she wants to track each of them down and fight them away from my life and mind.

"She doesn't talk much about herself, and she doesn't ask questions about me, but when she looks at me, she really sees, you know? Sees deep down, everything I am and was and might ever be, and just accepts me. All of it."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"She really does sound wonderful Tara, I've only met her in passing but you make her sound like some one worth knowing," he tells her.

"And how do you feel about her Tara?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"I love her," Tara replies softly. "It's too much, and too soon, but... I do. I love her. And Jonathan - I trust her. Which is... I don't know. Maybe more important, given..." she shrugs uncomfortably. "Given what happened with Willow."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"It's very important, I agree there. It's a big step that I'm proud you're able to take, but it's also dangerous. You see that don't you?" he asks, "I mean, when you first came to see me it was becasue of a lot of things but one of your concerns was that you didn't know who you were.

You'd spent you life being shaped by others, so I urge you to use caution here Tara. I'm very proud that you can still feel trust in a situation like this but it's important you establish your own boundaries and not let yourself be defined by her."

[brambless.livejournal.com]

Tara nods. "I know, but... I think that's why I trust her. Because when I'm with her, I feel more... me. Not Willow's Tara, not even Shane's Tara. Just me. I don't know what it is, yet - I mean, who it is - but... she sees it. Me. When she looks at me."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"Then I'm glad, sometimes, having some one else see something in you that you can't will help you see it for yourself. And maybe that's what you need right now. She certainly sounds perfect for you, and if she was brave enough to ask Mr. Crowley for help for you, then she clearly cares for you quite a bit."

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"She does," Tara murmurs, infinite gratefulness in her eyes.

"But... can we go back to the hallucinations? Because, um, I don't really know what happened, and I'm trying to understand it."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"Certainly, so, you kept seeing your father? Here in town and such?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

Tara nods. "I saw him in the park, and in the woods. He called me on my office phone, and I heard his footsteps outside the hall. I even thought I saw him in Mr. Phale's bookshop, for a moment. Except he wasn't any of those places. Sometimes there was no-one there, and sometimes... sometimes it was someone else, and I was just kind of seeing his face, plastered over the top."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"Have any important anniveraries recently passed?" he asks her, "Often we'll remember important date without even realizing it."

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"Well... my birthday."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"Really? Did you begin seeing him before or after your birthday?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"After," Tara replies. "Um, my birthday's a month ago tomorrow, but I kind of didn't celebrate it much. No-one knew. And I started seeing him... the Friday before last? So, um, almost three weeks after my birthday. So it's probably not that...?"

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"No, it's probably not that at all," he tells her, "So, you just started seeing him and hearing his voice? and after persisting for a while it just... stopped?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"No, it stopped after, um... everything with Mr. Crowley. And... um, I think maybe that's what set it off? I gave Mr. Crowley a hug. And I guess, in some ways, he reminds me of my father. A little. I mean, in that I want his approval, but I'm kind of... scared of him? A little?"

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"I've met Mr. Crowley, I'm very aware of how frightening he can be. And from what I understand, he's... not like everyone else so it's possible he set you off. Do you think he did on purpose?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"Shane thinks he did."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"Do you think he had some kind of underlying reason for it? Or jus random nefariousness?"

[brambless.livejournal.com]

"I think... I think he was just trying to frighten me. Because I see a goodness in him, and that... he's scared of it, just like some people are scared of the evil inside them. I don't think he meant to break me, though. Just to scare me."

[master-of-fear.livejournal.com]

"But, it helped didn't it? You seem to be in an astonishly good mood for having been haunted by your abusive father for the past week or so.

Maybe you were right after all, about him."