Fandom Clinic, Monday 3/17

[stykera]

The nurses and Stabby were all wearing green today. Stabby's green was a ridiculous tiny hat but it still counted.

"He's gonna pinch you," a nurse warned Stark. "Don't get close."

"I have a green shirt!" Stark protested.

"You've met the crab. Do you really think wearing green will prevent pinching?"

Stark gave the tank a wide berth, hoped Stabby wouldn't leave said tank, and settled in at the desk.

The clinic was open. The crab was pinchy. The alien was in.

Comments

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"I don't know of anyone who actively likes them," Hannibal said, "but duly noted. No clowns." He tried to think if they had any clowns (actual rather than metaphorical) on the island at present, but couldn't recall any.

And there were the toes. Well, he had his work cut out for him. Pun fully intended. He let the nurse handle the anesthesia as he began carefully cleaning them. "Any other aversions?"

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“Stupid rot-brained Reddit fascists,” Quinn grumbled, her speech slurring a little as the anesthesia started to hit and the pain faded.

She remembered Janet, woozy from her own blood loss, crouched in the corn, mocking Rust just to stay conscious.

“‘Pew pew!’” she said, in a pitch perfect imitation no one would ever know she’d managed. “‘Small pee pee!’”

Then she started giggling.

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

Hannibal shook his head in amusement. "We do try to avoid those here." He moved to cleaning her foot. "I gather you're feeling no pain, but do let me know if that changes." The nurse came to help, and they worked as quickly as they could, though this wasn't going to be fast.

"If you have a phone, you might want to put on some music or pick a favorite game."

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“Phones,” Quinn mumbled. “Was a burner anyway.” More giggles. “I hope Frendo chokes.”

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"Frendo is not a friend, I take it?" Hannibal continued cleaning and prepping her foot.

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“Frendo is a little bitch.” She felt a bit like she was channeling Janet again. And started singing that stupid corn syrup jingle. “A lit-tel drop of Baypen makes everything bet-ter. . . .”

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"Baypen?" Hannibal asked. "Also, I'll be evening the bones, so you may feel some movement."

Just a totally normal surgery here!

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“Corn syrup.” It was . . . sort of an answer? “Wouldn’ta made Arthur Hill better. Who eats an embalmd corpse?”

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"People who enjoy having their stomachs pumped," Hannibal said. "Embalming fluids are largely toxic and likely taste terrible. Not that that stops people from eating hot dogs, either."

The nurse gave him an odd look, but he ignored it.

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“Stupid people. Believing dumb prophets.” Quinn was only vaguely aware she was still talking. “They were worshipping a literal clown!”

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"Does that make less sense than other religions?" Hannibal asked. "Suture, please," he said to the nurse.

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

Ugh, way to ask complicated questions, Hannibal.

"I don't know. They're all stupid. People are stupid. Why do they keep trying to kill each other? It's so dumb!"

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"I'm afraid I couldn't answer that." Because 'it's fun' probably wasn't what she was looking for. "Is that how you lost your toes? Clown worshippers with poor taste in food?"

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

"They decided I'm 'the Adversary'," Quinn said. "Like I said. So stupid."

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"Ah, congratulations!" Hannibal said, offering her a cheerful grin. "You'll have competition here, I'm afraid - we've got an actual Lucifer in one of the bars. And a number of us have been declared thoroughly evil by small-minded people; you'll fit right in."

He made a few more neat stitches and tied off that toe, moving to the next as the nurse handed it to him.

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

“That sounds like the worst after school club ever.” Quinn snickered. “Welcome to Adversary Club. For all your ‘people think I’m evil’ social needs.”

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"We should start one," Hannibal said. "We have a dearth of after-school clubs. I'll be the faculty advisor. We can go on field trips. We'll make a list of places we're all hated in first, so we know not to go there."

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

"I'm not going to school," Quinn said.

She was mistaken, but she wouldn't figure that out for a while yet.

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

Hannibal made a noise that was the verbal equivalent of the shrug he couldn't do while stitching. "A community club then. Although the school is good, especially when I teach."

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

"Don't think I want to be a surgeon," Quinn said. "My dad did trauma medicine. It fucked him up."

Trauma medicine fucked up her mom, too, but not at all in the same way.

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"It's known for burning out many," Hannibal said. "But the most medicine I've taught here is first aid. Generally, I teach cooking." He spared a glance up as he tightened a stitch. "Which does not involve embalming fluid."

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

Quinn snorted. "So what don't you do, then?"

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"Anything in halves," Hannibal quipped. He tied off that toe. "What about you? What do you do when you aren't fighting homicidal clowns?"

Re: Exam 1

[deathtofrendo]

Beat the shit out of asshole redditors.

Quinn vaguely remembered when that hadn't been the answer.

"I used to play volleyball."

Re: Exam 1

[sharp_man]

"We have a gym here, and there's currently a sports class," Hannibal said. "I don't know if they do volleyball. You'll probably want to put in some cautious exercise as you recover, anyway. I'll give you a list once you're more likely to remember things."