fandom_clinic | FTEC, Monday night

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FTEC, Monday night

Janet's taxes were in, her day had been quiet, and she'd slept her way through the entire weekend, somehow ~~through the power of having been offline the whole time~~ having missed all the chaos that had been caused by whatever-it-was this time. But she was at the clinic, listening to music and trying to replace the lightbulb in her favorite penlight.

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A very tired and frazzled-looking Anders popped into the clinic. "Hey, Fraiser. You wouldn't happen to have seen my kids around, would you?"

"Excuse me?" Obviously, Janet hadn't heard that correctly. "You didn't just--" She paused, and then tried again. "Okay, I know I've been out of the loop, Anders, but you couldn't possibly have had kids in the past nine months without my noticing."

"That's what I thought," Anders said with a sigh. "But no, I've got two apparently, and lemme tell you, it sucks when one of them can shimmer and you can't. The entire frakking island is crawling with kids again, Fraiser, and this time they're not us. They're ours."

Janet firmly squelched any thoughts of Cassandra. Really. "Oh, that's just--" Her eyes were wide. "Fandom is such a weird place. How'd this happen? And you had kids with Bel? Who got pregnant?"

"Apparently? Me," Anders grumbled -- and if he had any idea he'd said anything amiss, he'd be apologizing profusely. "Stupid magic brownies. Artemis is ours. And Pandora is mine and Phoebe's. The little Pyramid balls they carry are probably a dead giveaway."

Janet tried to muffle a snicker. Because there was really nothing else to do but laugh. "Did you get pregnant when you and Phoebe had a kid too?"

Anders stared at her as if she'd betrayed him. "No! Oh my gods, no!"

Janet giggled. She couldn't help it. "That's a shame," she said, unable to keep a straight face. "So do you like your kids."

Much to his own surprise, Anders started grinning like a crazy person. "They're adorable. Too much damn energy, but . . . I love 'em, yeah."

"I love kids," said Janet, smiling. "Besides, your kids are supposed to drive you crazy. Trust me on that one."

"Already done that," Anders said, looking resigned. "They really are cute, though. Pandora's got some really sweet Pyramid skills already, and Artemis has this way of sort of . . . laughing that sounds like both me and Bel and . . ."

Yeah, no matter what he said, he was head over heels in love with his kids already.

"Oh, they sound adorable," said Janet. She was fidgeting with a pen. "So how did they show up here, then?"

Anders turned bright red and started fumbling in his pockets. "Um, yeah, about that. They just . . . showed up, far as I know, and oh hell, Artemis stole my cell phone, I should probably try and find them before they get in more trouble . . ."

"You mean before they start making international--or interdimensional--calls with your phone?" asked Janet. "Stop by for some headache medicine if they get to be too much."

"Uh huh." Anders was, of course, completely ignorant of the brainbreakage his offspring had visited upon Piper in just that way. "Lords, wish me luck . . . who knows where the hell they are?"

"Good luck with that!" said Janet, with the cheer of someone who had no children causing her pain. Right now. "Think you can get away with grounding the kid that shimmers?"

"I might have to talk to his other daddy about that," Anders said dryly. "I have no idea."

"There's got to be some kind of way to do that," said Janet. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Hopefully." Anders sighed. "I'm gonna go find 'em . . . thanks, Fraiser."

"Any time, Anders." Janet waved good-bye. "Good luck!"

Gail somehow wandered into the clinic. "'Scuse me, have you seen my daddy? I know he's got to be around here somewhere 'cause everybody else's parents are but I can't find Mommy if she doesn't wanna be found and anyway the house she usedta live in here is all empty. My daddy's a pirate and he wears a hat and. Um. I dunno. I don't see him very much," she admitted.

"I'd say he's probably off adventuring," said Janet, nodding seriously. She patted a couch. "Did you want to have a seat here for a little while?"

Gail thought about it for a moment. She was very tired and sleeping in a tree last night hadn't been as much fun as she'd thought it would be. "Okay!"

"So what's your name?" asked Janet, rummaging through her backpack and pulling out a banana. Hopefully the little girl would fall asleep. With any luck, Barbossa--it had to be him--would hear about her on the radio broadcast, and come and get her in the morning. "I'm Janet. Want a snack?"

"I'm Gail and I'm four! Ew. Fruits are icky unless they're in pie."

"Well, Gail-who-is-four, I'm afraid I didn't bring any pie tonight," said Janet, grinning. She started peeling the banana. "The only other thing I can offer you to eat is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Gail thought hard about it. "That might be okay," she finally allowed.

"Oh, good," said Janet. She set the banana down, tossed the peel in the garbage, and reached into her bag, pulling out a brown paper sack, from which she took a plastic-wrapped sandwich. "Do you want something to drink?"

Gail thought about that for a moment. "Do you have rum?"

Janet had been half-expecting Gail to ask for rum, but she still was slightly surprised. "I'm afraid we don't keep rum in the clinic, Gail," she said, unwrapping the sandwich, putting it on a paper plate, and taking it over to Gail. "I can give you juice or water."

"Then I would like some juice please," Gail said. She was a very polite little ninja-pirate. "I can go look for rum later."

"Of course you can," said Janet, not particularly meaning it. She set the sandwich down next to Gail and went over to the fridge. "What kind of juice do you want? Do you want a bendy straw in your cup, or are you okay without one?"

"Can I have a bendy-straw? 'Cause of my mommy I don't stay dirty but 'cause of my daddy I'm only half-ninja, so I don't stay totally undirty, so it's better not to spill." Gail was already slightly grubby-looking.

Janet had a very good anti-boggle reflex, and so she didn't spill the juice when she heard that Gail was Miho's daughter. "If you're half-ninja, you must be very good with a bow," she said, pulling out a bendy straw, unwrapping it, and dropping it into a cup of juice. "And bendy straw it is!"

"Anna sword. And throwing thingies. And this is Pete!" Gail held up her plush pirate for inspection, then set him down to pick up her sandwich. "Yay bendy straw!" she said through a mouthful of peanut butter.

"You sound like a very deadly girl," said Janet, bringing the cup of juice over. "Nice to meet you, Pete."

Gail shrugged as she took her juice. "Aunt Me says I stand out too much so I havesta be. Thank you."

"Aunt Me sounds like a very sensible woman," said Janet. She wasn't going to criticize Gail. Being a genius was good for something, after all. "And you're welcome. How's the sandwich?"

"Vewwy good, fank you," Gail said through another mouthful of sandwich. She took a sip of her juice and said, "Peanut butter's funny, isn't it?"

"I don't know about you, but it makes me talk a little funny," said Janet, sitting down on the couch. "It sticks to the roof of my mouth a lot."

Gail nodded. "Yes! It's very annoying."

Janet thought about it for a minute. "So what else annoys you?" she asked.

"Boys."

"Tell me about it," said Janet dryly. "Did you want to lie down and take a nap when you finish that sandwich, Gail?"

Gail shook her head, sending her pigtails flying. "No. I think I'll go look for some rum and my daddy. I might find him with the rum."

"I think that's probably the most likely place for you to find him," said Janet, resisting the urge to reach out and tug one of Gail's pigtails. She'd probably lose a hand. Or at least be injured.

Gail nodded and told Janet solemnly, "'Cause he's a pirate. Arrrr."

Janet nodded seriously. "They do like their rum, don't they?"

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FTEC, Monday night

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