fandom_clinic | FH Clinic: Thursday (1/11)

Nadia came in with only a little hesitation. It had been a little while since her last session, but she trusted Susan, by now.

"Hello,"

"Good morning, Nadia." Susan smiled, and offered her a piece of chalk. "How was your break?" Better to see how the girl was doing, before she brought up anything else.

Nadia smiled. "It was good. Mostly quiet. A few nightmares, and one of . . . those dreams, but otherwise, it was relaxing. You?"

"Quiet. I spent most of the time on my own, but did get to see friend in D.C. for New Year's." She nodded, relieved Nadia wasn't in a crisis now. "I'm glad things went well. Do you want to talk about the dream?"

Nadia sighed slightly. "Did you hear about what happened to Dr. Wilson on New Years?"

"Yes, I did. And that he's doing better, now." Susan studied Nadia a moment. "You dreamed about that? Before it happened?"

Nadia shook her head. "Before I knew it happened, but four days after it actually happened."

Which was more evidence that Nadia's abilities were real, but not at all reliable. "Tell me what happened in the dream."

Nadia shrugged with a slight sigh. "It started out like the nightmares about the kidnapping. I was trapped in a cold, dark place and I couldn't move and there were bad things happening. Then I saw Dr. Wilson getting attacked . . . stabbed and his finger cut off and his head hitting bricks . . . but I couldn't see who was doing it. Just fire, all around him."

Susan frowned, caught up in Nadia's description. "Your dreams often have a symbolic component. Dr. Wilson wasn't set on fire, so perhaps the flames are a symbol of his attacker, or his mood?" She looked thoughtful a moment, then returned her attention to Nadia. "What were your feelings during the dream? Were they your own reactions to what you watched, or were their other sensations associated with it?"

"I felt his pain," Nadia said softly. "But I was . . . outside of it. In the dark and cold, like at the beginning, but I could feel what was happening to him while I saw it."

"I'm sorry," Susan said gently. "What did you do when you woke up?"

"I went to look for him. It was right around the evening, and I didn't know it had already happened, so I ran out to go find him or Aziraphale and warn them. I found him in the clinic, with Pippi. She was using her crystal ball.'

"What does her crystal ball do?" Susan asked. She frowned, thinking. "Have you ever had one of your clairvoyant dreams about past events before? Or have they all been precognitive?"

Nadia nodded. "I dreamed about Al, once. His history. And once about something that had happened to Jamie, awhile ago. The crystal ball gives little hints on how to fix things, mostly. When Angel was sick, it showed us a pub where we could get information. When people were being haunted, Pippi saw bits of the ritual that was causing the haunting. This was different, though. It connected her to Dr. Wilson, somehow. I went to get Aziraphale, and he helped pull Pippi out when it got dangerous for her."

Susan nodded, thinking, then said, "So your dream probably does have some special significance. Could Dr. Wilson shed any light on that? And is Pippi going to be okay?"

"Pippi's fine. She can handle a lot." Nadia looked down and shrugged again. "Aziraphale said that he thought the dream was probably to get me to find Pippi and then find him. But he was going to the clinic, anyway, when I went to get him. He would have found her just fine without my help."

"But you can't be sure. Might have beens..." Her voice trailed off. "You had a chance to help, and took it. Sometimes you can't know the outcome until the event is long past." Susan cleared her throat. "How are you handling day-to-day life now? Any more flashbacks, or detachment? Any incidences of overreacting, lately?"

Nadia thought about that. "Other than the nightmares, I don't think so. But things have been pretty quiet around here, like I said. Not much weirdness going on."

"Good. How is the biofeedback going? Did you get a chance to practice it over break?"

Nadia nodded. "Pip was sick and then had to go home for a bit, so we didn't get a chance to do our boat trip."

"That's a shame. But hopefully you'll get a chance to go again soon, if the weather holds." Susan put down her charcoal, and asked, "Is there anything you want to talk about today? Any of your concerns with your time in South America, or your father?"

Nadia thought for a moment. "I did notice something. One of the new professors is in the business, and she did research on me when she found out I was in her class. She found out that I was in training with Roberto, and I looked up the information, too." She took a deep breath. "It's not a big deal, but all the records say I'm there, right now, training with Roberto, and that he's alive. Because he is, because I don't kill him until this July."

For 'in the business' Susan understood she meant the intelligence community, and frowned, then nodded. "Are you worried, that she'll uncover your connection to Roberto?" she asked quietly. "And the outcome of your training?"

"The relationship isn't any where on record, and it never would be. We had to keep it a secret, since that was frowned on. But . . . it's possible she might connect me to Roberto's death in July. I don't know if there's anything I can do about that, though."

Susan studied her, and said, "Something to explain to her if it ever comes up. I just want to be sure you've considered it, before anything happens. It sounded to me as if there would never be enough evidence for a trial at this point-- and I'm not going to try to convince you to undo what is your own past. I'm more concerned with the future." She looked at her hands, then decided to lead into this carefully. "Do you feel you've made progress in the last month, Nadia? I would say you have, but I want your thoughts on how you feel."

Nadia shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it. I guess so. I can calm down faster, I guess. Keep track of what I'm reacting to, easier.'

"That's good." No misdiagnosis, then, although there really hadn't been much question of that. "I want to discuss something with you, Nadia." Susan took a breath. "I'm considering-- going away."

Nadia frowned. "What, like on vacation?"

Susan clasped her hands together, hard. "No. I meant, permanently." She swallowed. "But I shan't, if you still need me here. I was thinking of, of returning to Narnia."

Nadia wasn't as oblivious as she sometimes seemed. She could see that, first, Susan would probably stay if Nadia asked her to. She could also see that she wouldn't be happy doing so, as much as she tried to pretend she was okay with it.

"You miss it there?"

"Miss it." Susan smiled, then nodded, carefully. "Yes. I miss it. My family's there. The others, besides Peter." She sighed. "It isn't of immediate importance, though. It can wait. I just wanted to bring up the idea." At some point, Nadia would be ready for a chance in therapy. But leaving now, so soon... no, that wouldn't be fair.

Susan closed her eyes a moment, trying to think of what she'd tell Peter, then pushed it aside. She'd have to talk to Zoe, as well, rescind her resignation...

Nadia could see traces of disappointment in Susan's face. "You're not going to let me stop you from going back. I won'd let you let me stop you from going back."

"What?" Susan blinked her eyes open, uncomprehending. "Nadia, I will go back. But leaving now-- that would be irresponsible. I didn't want this to be a surprise to you, when I eventually left." No, she'd wanted to leave, now that it was possible-- but she would do this right. She wouldn't just go. "It'll be months down the line. Truly."

Nadia shook her head. "It's okay. I'm doing a lot better, like you said. And I'm used to people leaving. You can go when you want to."

Susan studied Nadia, swallowing, and realizing she'd already made a huge mistake. One that she might not be able to fix; Nadia would just be waiting for her to leave now. How could there be more progress, when she'd already decided that Susan was going to leave her?

"Perhaps... perhaps you're right." She looked down at her fingers, then back up. "If you need me, though. If you need a break, or you really need help. I'll ask Peter to bring you to Narnia. I am not abandoning you with no options," she said fiercely. "I want you to be well, Nadia. I'll only leave if you promise to ask him for help, if you need it."

Nadia honestly didn't know Peter that well, but she also knew that Susan didn't look like she'd be happy here anymore. Not when she had the option to go back to her family.

And if Nadia had a family, that would be where she wanted to be, too.

"I will. Of course I will."

Susan let out a slow breath, then smiled a little. "I want you to keep up with your therapy. I know it took a lot to tell me the things that you did-- but at least for some of them, another counselor or therapist can still help. There's a list of therapists in D.C. that I can forward to you, if you want."

Nadia sincerely doubted that she'd be able to tell anyone off of Fandom about anything that had happened to her, but she nodded. "Um, yeah, okay. Can you recommend anyone?"

"Two in particular, yes. I've met them, they're good people, and the woman is especially qualified to treat PTSD cases. You *can* still talk to someone, even if you don't give full details, Nadia." Susan sighed. "So. This is probably our last session." There were so many things she wanted to say, so many things she'd meant to cover with Nadia before this day came. "You were doing a brave thing in coming into counseling. I don't want you to lose that. And I also want you to remember that so much of what you've been feeling -- it'll fade, if you work on it. You are not crazy, Nadia. You never were. You're special." She bit her lip. "And I'm going to miss you."

Nadia swallowed at a small lump in her throat. Only two people she could think of had ever told her that, outright.

And she'd killed one of them. "Thank you. I'm going to miss you, too."

FH Clinic: Thursday (1/11)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject