fandom_clinic | FH Clinic: Thursday (12/21)

Nadia came in a little bit less hesitantly than last time. "Dr. Pevensie, hi."

"Hello, Nadia. Are you having a good week? Are you done with Finals yet?" Susan finished discarding the dying blooms, and opened gestured to her couch. "Have a seat."

"I have another one tomorrow, but that's it. And I think the week has been okay."

"No new injuries? I see the sling is gone." Susan smiled, and picked up a piece of chalk from the coffee table, sketching a Christmas tree. "Or other new difficulties?"

Nadia shook her head. "My shoulder's doing okay--I haven't had any trouble with it all week. And things this week have seemed pretty . . . normal. I didn't even get attacked by all those books everyone is talking about."

Susan smiled, and said, "So, when things are normal-- when you're not just coming off a traumatic experience-- what do you do, here in Fandom? When there's no classes, how do you have fun?"

Nadia shrugged. "Mostly, just hang out in the common rooms or on the roof if it isn't cold."

"I know you said you're staying in Fandom for the holidays. Do you have anything planned?"

She nodded. "Walter and Pippi and I are going to go out and find a tree tomorrow afternoon, and we're planning to take a trip on Pippi's boat at some point, too."

"That sounds lovely." She finished with the tree, and cocked her head. "What do you want to talk about today?"

Nadia shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I think I've told you everything, but I've also thought that about three times before during these sessions, and then I'll remember something else."

"We've mostly talked about the past-- which is understandable, since we needed to do that to look at the causes for your PTSD. How about the future, this time? What do you plan to do next year? After you graduate? Later on?"

Nadia shrugged. "I really don't know. I'm pretty sure I'd qualify to join SIDE legitimately after I graduate from Fandom, but . . . I'm not sure if I want to do that."

"You still have a great deal of time, of course." Susan cocked her head. "You liked the training; what part are you unsure of now?" She had some guesses, but better to not assume.

Nadia shrugged. "Well, I know I'm good at it, and I know I like to do it, but . . . what if I get fooled again, and end up working for someone like Roberto? What if, this time, I don't find out until it's really, really too late to do anything about it?"

Susan nodded, thinking. "Always a risk, of course. Intelligence work attracts people who are good at lying. Signing up for it with the *real* government should help-- but you can't be certain who your partner will be, or your supervisor, or co-workers. Anyone could be anything, though I believe most do follow their government's mandate." She studied Nadia. "Would you want to still use those skills, just in a different arena?"

"What other arena is there? I mean, espionage is espionage, isn't it?"

"There's espionage for countries-- and there's security work, for private individuals. Company work might be less dangerous, but maybe have the same ethical dilemmas." Susan cocked her head. "Or perhaps private investigation, or police work. Some part of what you liked, but a more straightforward goal."

"I don't like police. But that other stuff might be okay."

"How do you think the Rambaldi prophecies will figure into your life?" Susan asked, trying to phrase this carefully. "Do you think they're of interest to anyone besides your father, and those in Russian?"

Nadia looked off into the corner, thinking about that for awhile. "I don't know. I just . . . I don't know much about Rambaldi, really. If I can avoid it . . . I think that'd be good."

Susan personally doubted whether that would be possible. "I think you might consider how to find out enough about him to avoid those who *are* interested in him, Nadia. They've already changed your life several times. I'm not suggesting anything more than being aware of the dangers that already exist for you." She tilted her head, and asked, "Is there anyone in Argentina who could tell you more about your background?"

Nadia shook her head. "Sophia only knows that a man dropped me off at her orphanage. She doesn't know anything about Russia or Rambaldi."

"Sophia?" Susan asked, looking curious. "Did she work at the orphanage? I don't think I remember you mentioning her before."

"She ran it. She's the closest thing to a mother that I've ever known."

Mindful of the need for support systems, Susan asked, "Does she know about any of the things you've been through since you've been here? The kidnappings, the injuries?"

Nadia shook her head. "No. She'd only worry, and probably try to get me to go back to Argentina again."

Susan smiled sympathetically. "Consider it, though. If not telling her the specifics, at least that you're having a hard time, and have friends that help. I'm glad you do have someone who took care of you, though. What is she like?"

Nadia smiled. "She's a sweet woman. But she was always very stern when you got in trouble."

"How did you come to leave the orphanage?" Nadia's affection for Sophia shot down Susan's original thought that Nadia had rebelled and run away from care to live on the streets, as so many did. "It sounds as if you were happy there."

Nadia grimaced. "I . . . I was ten. We had this gardner. He would . . ." She took a deep breath. "He would come in at night and . . . touch the girls." Her voice was quiet, and unemotional. "One night, I just couldn't let him do it again. When he came in, I attacked him. He said if I ever came back, he'd kill me. When Sophia came in, I was . . . terrified. I ran."

Susan sighed, again hit by the many hurts in Nadia's life, and asked quietly, "Have you told Sophia about this? About why you left? Is that gardener in jail, or still free?"

"She knew. When I was arrested, they let her know, and she came to talk to me in jail. The other girls told her what happened, and the gardener was put away. I was so scared she'd be angry with me, I that I wouldn't go back. So I spent five years living on the streets, instead."

"But she's not angry with you now?" Susan asked. "She's supporting you in going to school here." She studied Nadia, then quietly asked, "Why did you think she would be angry with you about what the gardener did, and your reaction?"

"Because I was ten. And he was an adult." Nadia shook her head. "I know she's not angry with me now, and she wasn't, then. We talked all that out when I was in jail. And she doesn't like me being here, so far away. She's the one this summer who had my parole changed to attending the training, because I wanted to go back to Argentina to visit, but it wouldn't have been legal."

At least one relationship from Nadia's childhood was intact, then. "I'm glad the two of you have straightened that out. But she might be someone to talk to about your future, if you're still unsure of what you want to do in a couple years."

"Maybe. I keep in touch, but she's an old woman. I don't want to worry her when I don't have to."

"Understandable." Susan raised her eyebrows. "Would you like to do more biofeedback work today? You're in a good mood this week; I'd like to think you could get even more control."

"That sounds good. I think that might have helped a bit, this week."

Smiling, Susan said, "Then let's go through some guided imagery..."

They worked on calming Nadia's heart rate and pulse, then her breathing, and at the end of the hour, Susan stopped and asked, "Next week is Christmas, and I know everyone has plans-- would you like to meet then, or the week after that?"

"I think the week after. You should get a Christmas break, too, you know,"

"Then if I don't see you before then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Nadia." Susan stood up, and took one of the cactus flower blooms she'd cut earlier, and gave it to Nadia in a little glass globe. "And hoping that next year is easier for you than this one was."

"Thank you. I'm not sure how it could be too much worse, though. I'll see you next year."

FH Clinic: Thursday (12/21)

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