Clinic Hours

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa breaks into House's secret stash and unwraps a red lollipop. She smiles, and puts up...






Satisfied, she busts out a Spanish dictionary to study while she mans the clinic. For Languages of Europe, sicko.

Comments

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"You work out a lot, huh? Growl!. Well, it is a good idea for all students to be screened from time to time... to make sure they are in 'tip-top shape'... or what have you. Why don't you have a seat on the cot over there, and I'll just remove all sharp objects and hard surfaces from the vicinity before you crack your melon open in shock and awe grab some paper work. Do you have any allergies?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"I work out once a day, yeah, you saucy minx."

Lee sits on the cot and feels a little awkward. Doctors /are/ after all, very scary.

"No allergies that I know of."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa gives him some well-rehearsed bedside manner scandalous!. "Don't worry, this will be painless and totally confidential. Think of it this way, if you were trying out for a sports team, or applying to a military academy perhaps, they'd make you take a physical, right? Same idea. You will be embarking on some new physical activity, and we just want to make sure you'll be ready and healthy. I do need to ask you some questions though. You aren't feeling... light-headed at all, are you?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee straightens up at the thought of applying to a military academy. "I'm feeling fine, no light-headedness at all."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa lets out a sigh of relief. "Good, ummm... good. Okay, let's do some basics first, ease you into it, nice and sloooow. Have you ever had a serious illness, or received a hot meat injection blood tranfusion?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"I've had the child's pox syndrome and once I had a bad case of the influenza."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't sound like there's anything to worry about there. Stupid question, but it is on the form, you've never done drugs blah blah blah right? Moving on... do you have any other recurring medical issues - abnormal localized pain or swelling, skin irritation, sweating, that kind of thing?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"How do you define 'drugs'?"

"None of that recurring medical issues stuff applies."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa looks a bit shocked, but pulls it in rather quickly. "Have you ever used any illegal drugs, used household items to get high, or injected yourself with something not for medicinal purposes?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"Hard liquor and cigars don't count as illegal drugs here?"

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa laughs at her confusion, "No. Our principal would be first in line for the slammer if they were."

She pauses and gives him a reassuring smile.

"Now I'm going to ask you some questions... about a few things we talked about last night. Are you ready? Do you need some water first? A Valium?. You can be honest with me, it is important that you are, and I will not tell anyone. Remember, just think of it as a basic physical activity, like working out. Nothing to worry about."

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"...okaaay...?"

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"So... yeah. Let's try this with a baseball metaphor. You've never hit a home run I know... but have you ever, er, gone to third base? With you as the, um, pitcher or runner?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee blinks. "It's going to take me forever to translate your metaphors. Please...what?"

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Oral sex. Have you ever had it, either receiving or giving? And yeah, yeah technical virgin, sure."

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"No." He answers quickly.

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"And the flag flies at... you have no difficulty maintaining an erection or ejaculating?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee blushes but this is a medical inquiry. Yes. Yes. Yes. "No difficulty. It's been a little strange though since I've been off my usual Colonial meds like the hormonal suppressants. So I get... I have an erection more often here than back at home."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Ah, the body of an average teenage male. Several erections a day is completely normal. Don't be worried if you wake up with them, and although it may be embarassing, they can come at awkward times. Especially if you were on some sort of depressant, your body may be overreacting now - do not be surpised if you have any nocturnal emissions or the like, okay? As long as the ererctions go through the natural course I wouldn't worry. Be careful about excessive masturbation though. Choking the monkey won't kill you, but you can chafe the hell out of the skin down there if you aren't careful, and your girlfriend may be freaked out if your shaft is all pink and flaky.

Any other sexual experiences that resulted in the exchange of bodily fluids I should know about?"

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee clears his throat as he tries to deal with someone this hot telling him this stuff.

"Just kissing."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Seriously? I mean... sorry. Okay, so you should be all set. I'm going to ask for a blood and a urine sample, and we'll check them out to make sure you're good to go. But condoms are your friends. And if your girlfriend needs any birth control... you should talk about that with her before you have sex, and you can tell her to come to the clinic, completely confidential as you may remember. And I'll give you some condoms, just in case. Between you and me."

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

"Wait, the girl needs to be on birth control?" Lee worries as he offers his arm for the blood sample.

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

Lisa takes the sample quickly and efficiently. "She doesn't need to be on birth control, but you need to use a condom every time in that case, and correctly, and not have it break. One drunken night with your cowboy riding bareback and pretty soon you have repopulated the Oregon Trail."

[leeadama.livejournal.com]

Lee isn't quite sure what this Oregon thing is but he nods. "Cup for the other sample please?"

[can_be_more]

OOC: Bwah!